---------------------------------------------------------------------- REVOLUTIONARY SCIENCE THEATRE 3000 Episode 106: "The Daily Life..." Written by: Scortia MSTed by: Chris Rain (rainclash@yahoo.com) This is a MSTing of a story written by Scortia. No insult, injury, infringement, or painful debilitating illness is intended by this MSTing. I do this because (a) it's fun and (b) I have lots of time and imagination on my hands. MST3K is owned by Best Brains, Inc. All "Revolutionary Girl Utena"/"Shoujo Kakumei Utena" characters are the property of B-Papas, Chiho Saito, TV Tokyo, Shonenn Iinkai, Software Sculptors, Central Park Media Corporation, and possibly a partridge in a pear tree, though the latter is dicey to prove under law. ^_^ Reading this MST can be greatly helped by having at least a passing familiarity with the series; if you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. (Shameless plug requirements met. Onward!) [Satellite of Revolution bridge. The lights are off; the only illumination comes from a couple of large flashlights held by UTENA and TOUGA. MIKI is under a console, with wires trailing out around him] UTENA: Tell me again exactly *what* happened? MIKI : Well, first I reformatted the Satellite's systems. Then I installed Windows 98. After that-- UTENA: Wait--why Windows 98? Why not 2000? MIKI [in the tone of one explaining something to the technically non- savvy]: Because Windows 2000 is an upgrade to Windows NT. TOUGA: What's this Millennium Edition thing, then? MIKI: A very bad upgrade from Win98. It's awful. UTENA: Okay. So you installed Windows 98. Then what happened? MIKI: Well, everything was going just *fine*, and then *somebody* went and installed AOL. That wrecked the whole thing. UTENA: Who did it? MIKI: I have my suspicions. [JURI and AKIO enter the bridge as MIKI is speaking] AKIO: Oh? Do you? MIKI: You're the only one who'd be so evil as to do that. AKIO: I'm hurt! UTENA: Not as hurt as you're going to be after *I'm* through with you! [MIKI emerges from under the console as the lights in the bridge activate, reaching about half-power. UTENA and TOUGA turn off their flashlights] JURI: If you fixed it, how come the lights aren't all the way on? MIKI: I just uninstalled AOL. I'll have to check the drives and see for sure that it's all gone, then run Scandisk and Defrag to make sure I cleaned it out completely. [the message light starts blinking weakly] UTENA: Looks like you'll have to wait. [she pushes the button] [Observatory. MIKAGE smirks at the viewscreen. MAMIYA is in the background, sitting in a chair and busily sewing something] MIKAGE: Well, well. How are we today? [SoR] UTENA: What do *you* want? MIKI: What does he always want? He's got lousy timing. I need to go in and make sure I-- [A sudden, unexpected, very loud sound echoes through the Satellite] VOICE: YOU'VE GOT MAIL!! [the duelists clutch their ears in pain] JURI: I think you didn't get it all the first time. MIKI: I think you're right . . . [the Viewscreen changes, displaying the email instead of MIKAGE] >SKU cast, > >HIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) [the duelists are pushed back across the bridge by the force, hair flying like a Memorex commercial] UTENA: Enthusiastic . . . very enthusiastic . . . >Miki I admire the way you can actually point out all those grammatical >errors. MIKI [blushing a little]: Thank you. They're so hard to ignore sometimes . . . >and I think mikage made a nice tulip.:) [the duelists all start to snicker] MIKAGE'S VOICE : How delightful. >love, AKIO: Is that for me, baby? [he blows a kiss, and UTENA elbows him] >V-Chan >internet and anime junky extraordinair >master chibi & bishounen trainer JURI: Oh, good. Can you train Akio and Touga? >Mikage fan #007 MIKAGE'S VOICE : I guess that was for *me*, not *you*, Ohtori. AKIO: Hmph! >and last but not least proud member of SDDI MIKAGE'S VOICE: Well, enough of the pleasantries. It looks like you'll be able to work on your little project for the time being, Kaoru. I won't be needing you for this next fic. I was thinking about it, but the "Society for the Preservation of Miki's Innocence" set fire to the front lawn, so I decided against it. AKIO: That's *my* front lawn, Souji. You'd better be planning to pay for the landscaping! MIKAGE'S VOICE : How could I do *that*? I don't exist, remember? How can I pay for something when I'm not a "real" person-- Monopoly money? [AKIO sulks] JURI: Just get it over with, Souji. What's the fic? MIKAGE'S VOICE: A laudable, if laughable, entry for a certain competition hosted on a certain Usenet newsgroup. The "Utena Lemon Extravaganza," to be specific. I mined a few little gems from that one. Now, scoot! [the lights and klaxons go off, albeit at lesser intensity than normal] TOUGA: WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN! [the duelists, except for MIKI, rush for the doors] [Duelist's door sequence!] [6. It's the gate to the Arena. You try to open it, but you haven't got a Rose Seal ring. Finally, you pick the lock with a credit card and walk through.] [5. It's the spiral staircase from hell. You make it about halfway up before realizing there's an elevator and climbing in.] [4. The elevator stops about ten feet from the top. You walk halfway up the rest of the stairs, realize that you aren't getting a fancier outfit, and pause at the convenient basket placed on the stairs to sew on the decorations yourself.] [3. The archway at the top of the staircase. You accidentally glance over the side, suffer a violent attack of acrophobia, and cling to the side of the archway, whimpering for your mommy.] [2. You wait for the Rose Bride to place the rose on your chest, but first you have to help her pull the thorns off. Ow! Ow! Ow!] [1. The Rose Bride does her spiel and falls back over your arm; you draw the Sword of Dios from her chest and use it to hack down the final door into the theatre.] [the duelists take their seats--from left to right: TOUGA, UTENA, AKIO, and JURI] UTENA: *Another* lemon? Mikage, you're just *sick*! AKIO: *I'm* enjoying it! JURI: You would. >The Daily Life... >By Scortia (and man I'm ashamed of it) [pause] TOUGA: This is going to hurt, isn't it. JURI: Even the *author* is ashamed of it. I'd say it's going to be painful, yes. AKIO: As long as it doesn't involve any long "sessions" in the Observatory, I'm sure I can handle it. > Anthy pinned up her hair. It had been yet another hard day on her... AKIO : Watering the roses, slacking in class, smiling vacantly, getting physically or verbally abused by Saionji and Nanami's henchgirls . . . this full schedule is tiring! TOUGA: Not to mention making shaved ice, playing cards with Chu Chu, cleaning the floors, doing the laundry-- UTENA: We get the idea, guys. >simulating 2 different people plus acting completely opposite of her >true self in public was wearing her down. JURI: And just what *is* her true self? UTENA: I've been trying to determine that for a long time now. >All that there was all day was sex sex sex! [TOUGA simulates cheesy '70's porn music] AKIO: Not quite right, Kiryuu. It's *this* tune. [he hums the "Akio Car" theme] UTENA: Ecchi. [she yanks his hair] >She felt the sweat soaking all over her smooth, young skin. JURI : You're soaking in it. TOUGA: I think she's done marinating. Shall we toss her on the barbecue? >Her skin glistened as though she had rubbed vaseline or whipped cream >alllllll over it and awaitted someone to lick it off. [pause] UTENA: Oooookay. AKIO: Hmm, that does sound interesting . . . JURI: Except that whipped cream doesn't really glisten, and doesn't really make skin glisten either. Oh, and that's spelled "awaited." >But then, that was Mikage's interest alone: > >"Come here, Mamiya...my little rose bride." MIKAGE'S VOICE: Huh? [the duelists are starting to smirk] > Anthy coughed under her Mamiya facade MIKAGE'S VOICE: --*What*?! AKIO [leaning over conspiratorially toward TOUGA, whispering]: This is going to be fun. He gets a taste of his own medicine . . . [TOUGA smirks even more. UTENA frowns, leaning forward so that she's not squished between the two] >and knew that Mikage wanted to once again get some...the sick >pedophile. MAMIYA'S VOICE: Oops. MIKAGE'S VOICE: "Oops"? What's "oops"? What the hell is "oops" supposed to mean, Mamiya?! MAMIYA'S VOICE: I didn't read this one all the way through . . . [the duelists are beginning to snicker] >She quietly walked up to him. > >Mikage undressed Mamiya button by button. "Sweetie, did you buy more >whipped cream and cherries?" MIKAGE'S VOICE: What in the name of God is this?! Mamiya!! MAMIYA'S VOICE: I'm sorry, Mikage-sama sir! Not the face! Not the-- [the PA snaps off very suddenly] JURI: I feel almost sorry for Mamiya. TOUGA: *I* feel almost sorry for *Mikage*. [smirking at the screen] UTENA: Akio? Would *you* have any idea what this Anthy/Mamiya thing is all about? AKIO [loud cough]: Not a clue . . . >"Mmmm.... Hai." Anthy kept her anger inside. AKIO : I wanna feel you from the inside . . . >"I love to let loose with you... sit still while I get the goodies." JURI: If he comes back with a pair of handcuffs, a ball gag, and a "parachute," I'm *leaving*. TOUGA: Me first. >Anthy sat topless on the edge of the huge classic bed. Onii-sama was >going a little too far with this. Who knew this man was so lecherous >in secret?! ... Onii-sama probably did... UTENA: Oh, so you don't have a *clue*, huh, Akio? AKIO: It's just a fic! None of this should be taken seriously! Don't hit me! >"I'm baaaaack! ^_^" Mikage threw the food onto the bed TOUGA: Housekeeping will be greatly annoyed when laundry day rolls around. AKIO : Heeeere's Mikage! >and immeadietly jumped on top of Mamiya. Mikage smelled Mamiya's >hair as he forcefully licked within his ear. UTENA: Okay, so Mikage's really a perv who sniffs hair and cleans people's ears with his tongue? JURI: Well, Saionji nibbles Anthy's hair in the movie, remember? [the Satellite, strangely enough, rocks only slightly] >Mikage then sat up and finished taking off Mamiya's pants. He >proceeded then to open the whipped cream and cherries and make a >smily face onto Mamiya's center-of-gravity. TOUGA: His . . . what? AKIO: His groin! His crotch! His wang! His dick! How's *that* for translation, Kiryuu? UTENA: Cut that out! JURI: Get me a knife and *I'll* cut it out. >Anthy winced because the cream was so cold on her youthful, vibrant >skin. JURI: I think the author is obsessed with Anthy's skin for some reason. UTENA [shuddering]: I just had a nasty mental image of "Buffalo Bill" from "Silence of the Lambs" . . . AKIO: I think that the person who wrote this fic *is* female, Utena. She'd have to be seriously deranged to want to flay another woman and wear *her* skin. UTENA: True, though I think that *some* fanfic authors *are* pretty seriously deranged . . . >Mikage ignored the noises coming from Mamiya and licked away the >happy face. TOUGA: That would be almost cute, if it weren't so disgusting. AKIO: Might give a whole new meaning to "Have a Coke and a smile." JURI: Or "Sit on a happy face." UTENA: That's kind of weird all by itself, Juri-sempai. >"Why do I deal with this?" Anthy asked herself... AKIO : Plastic, asshole. >**************** UTENA : I'm wishing on a star, to follow where you are . . . AKIO: Did you know that in the original Italian story that was the basis for Disney's "Pinocchio," the puppet squishes the cricket to death almost right off the bat? JURI: Thank you for that bit of disturbing trivia. >Finally she was rid of that perverted man... and even got a chance to >drink some tea with Utena. It was nice to get a break. Anthy >glanced at her firm, plump breasts and appreciated that she had them. AKIO: I think everybody appreciates that Anthy's got a nice rack . . . UTENA: *Akio*! [she smacks him] >She squeezed them firmly a couple of times to be sure she wasn't >dreaming. JURI: You know, reading that section over . . . it looks almost like Anthy is groping herself while having tea with Utena. UTENA: I think I would have to make *some* comment at that point. At the very least, I'd ask politely if she was checking for breast cancer. AKIO: Maybe she's getting ready to show you her scar. [the Satellite wobbles unnervingly] >Anthy noticed during the bosom squeezing that it was 8 o'clock... it >was time for Onii-sama: AKIO: It's Miller time. [pantomimes opening a beer can and taking a drink] >Anthy put her glasses down on the side table and dropped her flowing, >wavy hair. TOUGA: Anthy wears a wig? AKIO: Sure. She's actually got a buzzcut. And multiple body piercings and tattoos. >Her face showed a vibrance, but it was somehow dulled. JURI: There's an oxymoron, and I'm not talking about Mikage. TOUGA: Dulled vibrance? Sounds like someone scuffed the new paint job. AKIO: So long as it's not the paint job on my car. >"Come here Anthy; you must be lonely." UTENA : Not really, you big pervert. The cops are in the next room and they've recorded everything. You're going away for a long time! [AKIO looks downright insulted] JURI : Only the lonely . . . >"Hai, Oniisama," was all she could ever say back... But she felt real >passion with her brother. Her heart thumped, her skin warmed and >moistened, JURI: Here we go with the skin obsession again. UTENA: Does she have sweat glands that produce aloe vera or something? AKIO: I could say something quite ecchi, but I think I'll pass on this opportunity . . . UTENA: Wise decision. >her loins pleaded for more. AKIO [standing up and does a sort of reverse of Ace Ventura's "talking ass" gag, using his thighs instead of his buttocks]: Please, may I have some more? UTENA: *Tacky*, Akio. >Anthy continued walking towards her brother sitting so manly with his >arms and legs spread out saying "Come and get it." AKIO : Do I make you horny, baby? Do I make you randy? TOUGA: He's got talking arms and legs now? Isn't that what happens when a Parasyte doesn't make it into the brain? >He closed the windows UTENA: . . . with the handy remote control, since manually shutting those windows could be hazardous to life and limb. JURI: Besides, I haven't met a man yet that doesn't have a remote in his hand as he lounges on the couch. >and Anthy unbuttoned and ripped off her own clothing. JURI: If she was just going to rip it off anyway, why did she bother unbuttoning anything? [AKIO grabs his shirt and rips it open, thrusting his bare torso out shamelessly. UTENA promptly rabbit-punches him in the gut, effectively deflating him] >"This is what I want!" UTENA : So tell me what you want, what you really really want! >*********** AKIO : Twinkle, twinkle, little star . . . as I cruise in my Akio Car . . . >Anthy continued pinning up her hair and then putting the glasses on >her sweaty, gleaming, sharp nose. UTENA: That just doesn't look quite right . . . TOUGA: So it's not Anthy's personality that's cutting, but rather her nose? >What great passion he had, but with such a small device that thrusted >so hard into her as though he was so truly ashamed of it's length. In >and out, in and out. [JURI, TOUGA, and UTENA burst out laughing hysterically as AKIO sulks] AKIO: It's not funny! UTENA: What a reversal from the last fic! Thirteen inches down to *nothing*! [they go off in a fresh wave of laughter; the fic has to pause to let them catch their breath before reading on] > Anthy somewhat weak and tired straggled into Utena and her room in >Onii-sama's tower. JURI: Run-on sentence. And awkward wording. It should be "the room she and Utena shared" or something of that nature . . . AKIO: You're asking the fic to make sense? TOUGA: Personally, I think straggling into Utena would be fun. But then, getting into Utena in any manner would be fun . . . UTENA [smacking TOUGA]: I think that's enough of *that*. >"At least now I can sleep off all of the 'in and out, in and out' TOUGA : A bit of the old in-out in-out, my droogies! JURI: It almost sounds like she's a cuckoo clock. UTENA: *Something* is cuckoo around here, anyway. >now," Anthy thought to her self. JURI: Misplaced space there. Makes it look as if Anthy's got some kind of split personality. AKIO: As if the whole fic hasn't been hinting at that? >She laid next to the sleeping Utena. Utena was so beautiful, so pure. TOUGA: That's what *I've* always thought . . . [UTENA blushes. TOUGA leans a bit closer to her, and AKIO, scowling, leans in from the other side] AKIO: Back off, Kiryuu. TOUGA: Make me, Ohtori. UTENA: *Both* of you, shut up. >Anthy felt some calm looking at her. UTENA: There's a "calm" looking at Anthy? That's got to be unnerving. JURI: I think that Anthy is supposed to be feeling calm just from looking at you, Utena. AKIO: Strangely, I don't feel *calm* when I look at Utena-- UTENA: Just stop right there. >Utena then suddenly openned her eyes. TOUGA: INTENSE--STARING--ACTION!! >"Himemiya...?" Utena said with tearing eyes. UTENA: *Owwww*! I went to sleep with hard contact lenses in again! My corneas! JURI: That's "tearing" as in "watery," not "tearing" as in "ripping." >"Hai, Utena-sama?" Anthy loved it when Utena would try to convide in >her... AKIO: Utena is doing *what* in Anthy? I want pictures! JURI: It's just a typo. "Confide". So sorry to ruin your sick fantasy of the moment. >holding her hand, skin touching skin, bodily fluids mixing.... ALL: O_o UTENA: Bodily . . . fluids? . . . TOUGA : Um, Miss Utena? You really ought to shower after basketball--and if you need tissues, just ask. You don't have to blow your nose in your hand. UTENA: That's *disgusting*, Touga. >"Himemiya,...no, Anthy, JURI: Gasp. Utena called Anthy by her first name. AKIO: There must be some really intense discussion coming up. >Sempai hasn't been going after me for a long time... " TOUGA: Sempai who? AKIO: It's either you or me. [the two men glare at each other over UTENA's head] >"Yes, Utena-sama,..." Anthy said as to single Utena to continue. UTENA: Well, yes, I *am* single. JURI: "As if to signal Utena to continue." What is wrong with *proofreading* these things? >"...and.... my... vibrator started choking...." UTENA: O_O TOUGA: Your *what* started to *what*?! AKIO: Utena, beautiful, all you need to do is ask *me*-- UTENA: That isn't me! [she yanks AKIO's hair again] AKIO: Ow! Stop that! >Anthy tried to assure herself that she didn't hear that... ALL: Join the club. >but then Utena grasped her hand even tighter. AKIO: Fracturing bone, straining tendons, slowly crushing Anthy's hand to pulp . . . UTENA: Ugh. *Dark*. >"Do rose brides do the work that a bride does to her husband on >honeymoon night?... I really need to be loved." UTENA: *NO I DON'T*! TOUGA: Everybody needs to be loved, dear Utena . . . UTENA: *Oh*? *You* don't have any problems with that, mister three-women-at-once! [TOUGA reddens] AKIO [smirking]: That's telling him, Utena-chan. UTENA: You just shut up, you alleycat-moraled swinger! [AKIO sulks] >Anthy just flipped over angrily and started unbuttoning like usual... >the Ohtori's free prostitute... AKIO: Actually, she's not free. That's the point. JURI: Didn't Utena just tell you to shut up, Ohtori? >the damned glossy, creamy prostitute with loins of steel. UTENA : And now, for only $19.95, you too can get this fantastic video, "Loins of Steel"! Part of the collection that includes "Abs of Steel" and "Buns of Steel," this great exercise video will guarantee you thighs that could collapse lead piping! Our spokesmodel is Xaviera Onatopp, a former "Bond bad girl"! JURI : I just *adore* "Loins of Steel." In no time, I had legs that could easily crush the life out of a lover . . . AKIO: We can talk about that later-- JURI: *No, we can't*. TOUGA: Looks like it's over. Let's get out of here. [the duelists exit the theatre] [Duelist's door sequence . . . in reverse!] [1. You hand the Sword of Dios back to the Rose Bride and tell her you had a wonderful time.] [2. You suddenly remember your opponent. Thinking quickly, you point past him and shout "Look! It's Dios!" When he turns to look, you yank the rose off his chest.] [3. The acrophobia doesn't bother you this time, because you're busy reeling around deafened by the bells tolling your victory.] [4. Stopping at the basket, you snip your hasty stitches and return the decorations before getting back into the elevator to descend.] [5. The elevator stops--nearer the bottom this time--and you stroll down the remaining stairs.] [6. You try to reclose the gate properly, but the rippling water in the reservoir suddenly reminds you of all the soda you had before the fic, and you make a hasty exit to run for the lavatory.] [The duelists emerge onto the bridge. The doorway into the rest of the Satellite slides open; MIKI steps in and goes directly to the console he was working at earlier] MIKI: So, uh . . . how was it? JURI: Bad. How else could it possibly be? UTENA: Where's Anthy? MIKI [blinking]: I think she's in her room. UTENA: Good. [the message light starts blinking; TOUGA reaches over and hits it] [Observatory. MIKAGE smirks at the Viewscreen. MAMIYA is standing up in the background, his back turned; he's doing something with the cloth that he was sewing earlier] MIKAGE: Well? Broken yet? [SoR] AKIO: Not even close. [yawns] Not enough really *hot* scenes . . . UTENA: Akio, will you shut up? JURI: That ghastly yaoi fic you sent up before didn't break us. Why would *this* do it? It was vaguely cute, in a sad, sick way. TOUGA: Juri's right. It was far from being *damaging*. No florid descriptions of genitalia or graphic sexual acts, even. [MIKI drops something he was using under the console and bangs his head as he sits up sharply, his cheeks flaming red] [Observatory] MIKAGE [eyeing MIKI through the screen]: That's why I don't send *him* into the theatre for these. [he snorts and turns to glower at MAMIYA] You'll have to find a better fic than *that* one, and something that doesn't involve you and I and whipped cream, and . . . what are you doing? [MAMIYA turns around, holding up an eye-searing neon-pink Rose Bride gown in front of himself. The whole thing is flagrantly overdone, with loads of lime-green ruffles that clash horribly with the gaudy pink, and the shoulderboards are obviously made out of styrofoam coated with far too much cheap glitter. The trim that ought to be white is a blinding shade of electric blue, and there are sequins and rhinestones plastered all over the thing] MAMIYA : See? It's my very own Bride gown! Isn't it pretty? And look, I've got a tiara, too! [he holds up a very obviously fake gold tiara, which, like the shoulderboards, is evidently styrofoam with a heavy layer of bad paint and loads of glitter] And here, I made you a Victor's uniform, too! [MAMIYA points toward the chair he was sitting in before. The outfit is obviously copied from UTENA's dueling uniform, but like the Bride gown, it looks like it was made by Liberace on a bad acid trip. It's bright yellow with purple ruffles and, once again, styrofoam-paint-and-glitter shoulder pieces. More sequins cover the outfit, and the whole effect is of spectacular, headache-inducing tackiness] [SoR. The duelists are laughing hysterically] AKIO [between gasps of laughter]: It's certainly your color, Souji! [Observatory] MIKAGE : Ohtori, SHUT UP! Mamiya . . . MAMIYA: You don't like yellow? [he pouts, then brightens] I know! We can have some whipped cream and cherries! That should cheer you up! [MIKAGE doesn't even turn around as he reaches back and slaps the Button. As the picture fades out, he starts walking toward MAMIYA in a very ominous way . . .] *PWOOSH!* Disclaimers and Legalese (in case you missed them the first time around) Original story written by: Scortia MSTing written by: Chris Rain Mystery Science Theater 3000 is owned by Best Brains, Inc. All "Revolutionary Girl Utena"/"Shoujo Kakumei Utena" characters are the property of B-Papas, Chiho Saito, TV Tokyo, Shonenn Iinkai, Software Sculptors, Central Park Media Corporation, and any other companies or individuals holding legal claim to them. I have used them here without permission, but hopefully I will not be viciously sued, as I will not be able to buy any more cool merchandise if I'm broke. ^_^ Comments may be sent to: rainclash@yahoo.com You can send negative comments, too, but I prefer more civilized discourse as befits mature adults in this society. Nyaaaaah!! Visit the Satellite of Revolution at its very own website! http://www.mindspring.com/~khabal/rst3k.htm Visit the Utena Encyclopedia! Translated scripts, song lyrics, images, episode synopses, character profiles, links, and more! http://www.duellists.tj Visit Themes of the Revolution! Archive of mp3 sound files from the Utena original soundtracks! http://www.duellists.tj/~anshi/ Visit Mokushiroku.net! Downloads, wallpapers, Winamp skins, even music videos! http://mokushiroku.net/utena/index.html >"Come here, Mamiya...my little rose bride."